DCFC Online May 16th - Embracing Difficulty in Order to Build Character Ps Murray Tomlinson

JAMES No 4.                                                                                                                                                                        Embracing Difficulty in Order to Build Character
(In Your Marriage)
James 1:2-8 NKJ Version (Read)
J.B. Phillips Modern English Version    James 1: 2-8, 
2, When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends.   [They’ll be the making of you]                                                                                                                                                  

3, Realise that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance.                                     
4, But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character, men of integrity with no weak spots.                                                                    5, And if in the process, any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem he has only to ask God—who gives generously to all men without making them feel guilty—and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him.                                                                                                                

Recently we have been Learning from James Chapter One, verses 1-8, about handling TRIALS when they come into our lives. Our Trials come to POLISH US not DEMOLISH US. God controls the Walls around Your life and Mine. He can either Build Up the Wall or Lift Up the Wall. [We See this in, Job Chap 1 & 2] We have discovered that Life has the ability to serve up trials of various types, at various times in All of our Lives.                                

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Jesus teaching in Matthew 7:24-29 about   2 [The Two Houses] teaches us that Storms and Trials Will Come to us all. In Luke 22:31-34 Jesus Warned Peter of an Impending Trial or Attack from Satan that was coming his way.                                                                                                                                       Luke 22:31-34, And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 
But I have prayed for you; that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” 
But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.” 
Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.”  
Jesus was giving Peter the “HEADS UP”, with You’re Gonna Be Tested. “BUT FAILURE IS NOT FINAL”                                                                                                                                                                 The comforting thing for ALL of us is; that in the cases of BOTH Job and Peter, GOD was fully aware of the impending trial that was about to engulf their lives. And to Peter He said..............”BUT I HAVE PRAYED FOR YOU THAT YOUR FAITH SHOULD NOT FAIL.” WOW! God NEVER Intends for Trials or Temptations to be our DOWNFALL.                                                           They are intended to Strengthen Us, and Teach Us, and Mature Us.                            2
Some people could say to me.....”Pastor     3 Murray, you have been talking about Trials and Struggles in Your life that Came and Went, as you pressed through them. 
Today I want to Focus IN ON The Challenges that MANY of Us Experience, IN what WE would CALL the SACRED STRUGGLE in our Marriages.                                                                                   MAYBE SOME HERE TODAY COULD SAY, 
“I AM MARRIED TO MY TRIAL.” My greatest Trial, I Live With, Day after Day, after Day.                                                                                                                                                       Most of us are NOT SO Naive to think that Marriage will be without TRIAL.  
SHANE WILLARDS Comments, Singles say, 
I want to get Married 
I want to get Married……… But Marrieds say
I want to get Divorced, I want to get Divorced   I think that for most of us we are AWARE that to say “I DO,” on our Wedding Day, is FAR MORE than to agree to never have sex with anyone else as long as we both shall live.                        Marriage points to A GIFT OF SELF that goes well beyond Sexual Fidelity.                          3                                Getting Married is agreeing to GROW UP   4        TOGETHER, into each other, to virtually 
Co-mingle our souls, so that we share a unique and rare bond.                                                                                                 When we stop doing that, we have committed FRAUD against our partner; ....... we have made a commitment that we’re NOW NOT WILLING to live up too.                                                                                   This refusal to GIVE the GIFT OF SELF can sometimes be malicious.                                                                         At other times this “withholding” may NOT be done consciously. We just wake up one day and realise that we have MADE NO EFFORT to keep GROWING and MOVING toward our spouse, physically, emotionally, & spiritually. 
This kind of Unconscious APATHY can be killing off our relationship. We often say that the opposite to LOVE is HATE; but in fact IT IS “APATHY” [this withholding of love, this refusal to meaningfully engage, and [GIVE the GIFT OF OURSELF] that can be far more damaging.Our best Default should Be, “if    Christ is LORD to You and Christ is LORD   4
to Me, then, We can Work This Out, ….         5
But if I am LORD  TO ME, OR You are LORD to You, then WE are in BIG Trouble.                                                                                                                                                                                     
ABRAHAM LINCOLN   Two weeks ago we shared                                                                                                                                                    the story of Abraham Lincoln. He was a great President of the USA. His marriage to Mary Todd in 1836 is probably recorded as one of the most difficult marriages of all the American Presidents. Mary had horrific bouts of temper which made retaining hired help extremely difficult. Lincoln would respond by giving the girls an extra weekly dollar, to keep them to stay on. After one particular forceful eruption between Mary and a Maid, Lincoln quietly patted the girl on the shoulder and said, “Stay with her, Maria. Stay with her.”
When a salesman called on the White House and was treated to Mary’s fervid verbal assault, He marched up to the Oval Office...... and proceeded to complain to President Lincoln about how the First Lady had treated him.                                                                                                     Lincoln listened calmly, then stood, and gently said, “You can endure for fifteen minutes what I have endured for fifteen years.                                                                                                                      Lincoln suffered many indignities at the hand of his wife; from throwing Coffee Publicly in His face. ++         
PERHAPS LINCOLNS EXAMPLE can deliver US ...  6 from the Oppression of an empty pursuit of happiness.                                                                                                                                               PERHAPS his Example can set us free from the notion that a difficult marriage will hold us back rather than prepare us for our LIFE’S WORK.  
DIVORCE
This last month we’ve had the NEWS about BILL and MELINDA GATES, of Microsoft Fame (who was the world’s Richest Man) are now getting a divorce.
They said they could NO LONGER SEE a Future of Growing together Going Forward. They Lost Hope for a Better Future.
AMAZON FOUNDER, JEFF BEZOS and his wife MACKENZIE SCOTT, are ALSO getting a divorce. MONEY in Itself, IS NOT THE GLUE or Cure-All for a Good MARRIAGE.
Divorce is Not just caused by Infidelity, Abuse, or Neglect. Mostly when it’s all boiled down, the FACT is that Divorce is Caused by HOPLESNESS. When one or both members of the marriage lose the belief that they will be happy with each other in the future, the      7 desire to leave the marriage grows stronger and stronger. 
SUCCESSFUL COUPLES, Learn How to Establish HOPE in their Marriages, It’s the Oxygen in a growing Marriage.
They realise they BOTH need to Be Emotionally HEALTHY People. It’s Like Air in the TYRES of your Marriage. Emotional Dwarfs or Cripples don’t make Good Marriage Partners. They are still stuck in their “ME.”
SUCCESSFUL COUPLES Have Dreams they share together Of What they Want their Marriage to Look Like in the Future.
They Build TRUST and Protect that Trust.
They work on their Chemistry to Maximise Passion and Romance. 
They Seek to Encourage each other in their Walk with GOD, and Get Spiritually Healthy.
Christ becomes a Partner in their Personal Lives and their Marriage. 
They ASK Each Other Questions about their Hopes and Dreams and Share them together, establishing a desired Future together.    
TWELVE QUESTIONS To Discuss with Your Spouse.
1, What are three to five things about me that you really like?
2, What are two things I do which you wish I would stop doing or change?
3, Where are you on your spiritual pilgrimage?
4, What do you think is the purpose of your life?
5, What is something we could do together in our spare time?
6, What is a trip you’ve always dreamed of taking?
7, What are your greatest regrets about your life?
8, What has been your biggest disappointment?
9, How do you feel about how the kids are turning (have turned) out?
10, If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
11, If you had no one else to answer to, what would you like to be doing in five years? Ten years? In retirement?
12, What is one tangible way I can better express my love for you?                                                                                 
Spend 20 minutes daily for 30 days, (form a habit)
                                                                    Marriage is a bit like a Vege Garden. If you want to enjoy it and its produce, you have to work at it. 
You Prepare the Soil, Have some depth to it, For 9 Carrots. Potatoes etc. to grow well.
Good Well drained soil is important. And Keep the nutrients up to it with fertiliser, and regular water.
Get the Weeds Out, and Keep them Out. Daily Weeding works best. My dad would say 5 Min Daily.
Protect your garden from Intruders.  Insects, Birds, Cats, Pigs, Bats, the Weather and (People-PNG.) (Water It) Shade Etc. 
Gardens don’t look after themselves and neither do Marriages.
Marriage Fertiliser…. Is Date Nights, and Walks together. Etc etc.
MARRIAGE                                                                                                                                                                  Every one of us who enters the marriage relationship will come to a point where the marriage starts to “RUB” somewhat adversely.                                                                                                       It is in these times that we remember Our Word of Commitment of “till death do us part.” It is in this struggle we become Nobler People.                                                                                                                                       If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear IS;   that a GOOD MARRIAGE is NOT something you FIND, it’s something YOU WORK for.   It takes Some effort & struggle,                                                        WE must crucify Our selfishness.                                                                                                                                                     WE must at times confront each other, and at other times WE must confess to each other.                                                                                              The Practise of Forgiveness is essential. And it 10 Can Be undeniably HARD WORK.                                                                       But Eventually it Pays Off. Eventually, it Creates a Relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support.                                                                                                                                                                         But the tendency to avoid difficulty is a Grave Spiritual Failing that OFTEN keeps our Marriages, and our Christianity, IN INFANCY.                                                                                                                                                        This struggle makes us stronger; because it stretches US and deepens our FAITH.                                                           
GOD doesn’t protect Christians from their problems........ He helps them walk victoriously THROUGH their problems. FIGHT….. FLIGHT…... or FACE Ourselves. 

I Must OWN my past in Order to Live well in my Present.  [Skeletons in Cupboards]
The impact of MY Past does affect my present. The Home I grew up in sets the TONE of what I think is normal.
Gender Roles, the handling of Anger, & Conflict & Shame. How we define Success, Our View of Family, Children, Recreation, Pleasure, Sexuality,          11    Grieving, and our relationships with friends, has all been shaped by our Families, of Origin and Our Cultures.                                                                                                                                                    

IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS TOUGH, get down on your knees and thank God that He has given you an opportunity for unparalleled Spiritual Growth. You have the PRIME POTENTIAL to excel in Christian Character and Obedience.                                                                                                         In Mark 9:49, [Jesus promised us] “For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt. 
Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another.”   GRACE…. GRACE…. MORE GRACE.                                                                                                                                                        The desire for Ease, Comfort, and Stress-free living, is an indirect desire to remain an “unseasoned, tasteless,” immature Christian.                                                                                                         Struggles makes us stronger; They build us up and deepens our faith.  FACE OURSELVES, and OWN WHO and WHAT WE ARE,                                                                                 It forces us to MAKE QUALITY DECISIONS 12 that cause us to CHANGE and give up our Childish, Selfish ways, To Crucify Our FLESH, AND Begin to GROW UP. [Gender Roles, Conflict, Anger etc]                                                                                               If GOD designed Marriage, to HELP US GROW UP (Emotionally, Relationally, Mentally, and Spiritually).........  Then DON”T RUN from the PRESSURES of Marriage. In Marriage we ALL have to FACE Our Weaknesses and Flaws, &                                                                                      

EMBRACE them, and  GROW in them, & Draw nearer to GOD because of them. SO, No More Tantrums, Sulking or Pouting.
We say GOD, Give Me Grace to Grow UP, Let your Spirit Rest Upon Me that there Might Be Some FRUIT to my account. Because I CHOOSE Emotional Maturity, where I don’t have to Be the Centre of my Universe.                                                            

Thank GOD that He has placed you in a situation where Your spirit CAN be perfected From Sulking and Pouting, AND WE Choose Emotionally Mature Marriages. “I’M  Manning UP…. I’M Womaning UP, to be the Best” “Husband or Wife, anyone would ever want to be married too.”                                            

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Very few of us come from families in which conflicts were resolved in a mature, healthy way. Most people tend to simply bury their tensions and move on.
Ask yourself this question: Would I rather live a life of ease and comfort, and remain immature in Christ, OR AM I WILLING to be seasoned with some Challenges, [if by doing so], I can be conformed to
the Image of Christ?                                                                                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                       

READ STORY OF ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH to CHARLES LINDBERGH                                                              The Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas   Page 138. Thru to top of page 147.                                      

What causes people to ENDURE and GROW &    MATURE through the difficult seasons of life?
Hebrews 11:27, NLTrans. Gives us the secret to Moses endurance:- “Through faith he left Egypt, not being frightened by the king’s anger; for he held on his course as seeing the unseen One. 
Hebrews 12: 2, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Where you’re Looking Determines How you finish.
If we live Without an ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE, Our Earthly Trials become Larger than Life. Without the HOPE of heaven, OR the sense of the importance of a Growing Character and Refinement, there is nothing to prepare FOR, nothing to look forward TO; it is like practicing and          practicing, but NEVER getting to actually play the game. Life then becomes boring, tedious and tiresome.                                                                                                                                                                                IF we are seeking Glory, Honor, and Immortality, before God, THEN daily and quiet Persistence, Faithfulness, and Obedience is the road to get there. PEOPLE MAGAZINE may not Notice....... BUT Heaven WILL notice.                                                                                                                                     And Matthew 20:16, says:- So the Last will be First, and the First Last. For many are Called, but FEW Chosen, Will come true for you.                                                                                                                                                          Christianity doesn’t make much sense without the reality of heaven, and HOPE that it holds for US.                                                                                                      PAUL Himself said in 1Corinth15:19, If in this life only, we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable. There Is A Hereafter…. I feel sorry for Christians who try to live Obedient lives without keeping HEAVEN firmly in their sights.                                                                                                                                                                                      

Meditating on the AFTERLIFE is one of the best spiritual exercises I know of.  Personally I find it strengthens me, like few other spiritual disciples do.                                                                                                          

“I CAN ENDURE THIS,” I say to myself, “because it will not always be this way.”